Anything For You
by LadyVibeke87
Summary: Sara nearly loses Nick after a car crash and has to cope with the consequences of the accident. As if it wasn't hard enough, she's left alone to deal with a small detail he isn't aware of... Yet. [Snickers, WS friendship]
1. Flu Sweet Flu

I haven't written anything for CSI LV lately, but this popped into my head and I had to write it down. And btw, this is my first Snickers fic, so you are warned if it sucks. ;)

* * *

**ANYTHING FOR YOU**

* * *

_She was running along the aisle like in trance, perceiving everything around like a dream in slow motion, rushing past faded faces and a faint choir of confused voices. The muffled sounds of the chairs falling to the ground was mixed up with the fear emerging from the shouts and cries._

_The aisle seemed endless as her white heels glided over the red carpet, her candid gown flying in soft waves of silk and lace behind her like desperate wings. Her lungs burned, demanding for air, but her breath was struck in her throat, where a heavy knot was slowly suffocating her._

_With the worst of her nightmare taking place right before her, she felt like the whole world was crashing down. Cold tears started collecting into her eyes, blurring her sight till they started falling uncontrollably, leaving wet trails down her pallid face._

_She was beautiful in that long wedding gown, with those tiny white roses scattered under the veil to keep her dark curls up. She'd been proud of that diamond ring she had on her right hand, and even more proud she would have been on the one he would have slid on her finger in only a few minutes._

_But now he was no longer standing by the altar, watching her walk up towards him, and the wide smile on his face had been replaced by a suffering grimace._

_She was halfway from him when she saw his head give in to the pain and roll to one side. She felt lost without his eyes set on her, watching her with hope as she ran to him through a seemingly endless path._

"_No!" her long, distraught scream filled the whole hall, but only came faint and muffled to her ears._

_He was lying in a red thick pool, blood dripping all over his chest from the wound the bullet had left._

"_Please, no!"_

_She collapsed onto her knees and took him into her arms, soaking herself in his blood._

"_It's going to be okay." She whispered in tears. "Stay with me, don't give up!"_

_He opened his eyes in evident effort, his lips curving up lightly in her direction._

"_Sara…"_

"_Hush, I'm here, it's okay." she sniffled, cupping his face with her hand. "It's okay…"_

_He coughed, and blood came into his mouth and crawled down to the neckwear, drenching its whiteness away._

"_I… I love you, Sar." He panted, his breath frantic and hoarse. "I love you.", then his eyes closed, and her heart sank into a black hole as his head fell back loosely._

"_Honey…" she shook him gently, begging him to answer to her, but his body lay motionless on her lap. "_Nick!_"_

* * *

3 Weeks Before

* * *

Sara lazily rested her head on Nick's shoulder and let out a blissful sigh. Cuddling herself more comfortably against his chest, she wrapped her arm around him and nuzzled her face under his chin. It was beautiful to just lie on the couch with him, without caring about work and coworkers.

"Mmmh, I love this flu." She mumbled, basking into his arms.

Nick glanced down at her, arching his brows.

"Easy for you to say, it's not you the one who spent the last three nights throwing up your guts."

Sara snorted, eyes closed, and rubbed her hand appeasingly over his abdomen.

"In fact I am the one who spent the last three mornings doing so." She retorted quietly.

On the tv, Runaway Bride was going on unwatched, since both Nick and Sara were too busy in enjoying their mutual closeness. It hadn't taken long for them to get used to that comfortable feeling.

It had all started two months ago, when they'd started going out together, at first as friends, then with abetter awareness of their feelings. Day by day their _drinks after shift_ had become dates, until one day he'd casually asked her to move in with him, and, surprisingly enough, Sara had accepted.

"Greggo sounded suspicious when I told him I'd caught a bug." he mused, his fingers playing through Sara's hair in loving soft caresses. "I told you we shouldn't have called in sick the same day."

"Greg is clueless." replied Sara, moving her hand up to his neck. "He only likes to think there are hot secret affairs blooming everywhere."

Nick gazed at her in mock disbelief.

"We _are_ a hot secret affair!" he protested.

She giggled, idly starting to kiss his jawline.

"Mm-hm." She nodded, not removing her lips from their occupation, and slowly shifted her weight onto him.

Nick savoured her gentle torture for a while, occasionally groaning when she'd reach a sensitive spot, then took her face into his hands, smiling at her.

"Sidle, I've got the impression you're not as sick as Grissom thinks." He quipped, her forehead leaning on his. There was a mischievous, enticing grin on her face.

"It's the first time in days that neither of us is bent over the toilet while the other is fine." She breathed, and his arms enveloped her firmly. "We should take advantage of the situation…"

He led her lips to his, pulling her closer, hands intruding under the soft fabric of her sweater, skimming her silky skin, suddenly feeling deliciously aroused.

"Now, Stokes, who's the not so sick one now?" she smirked, ignoring the lightheadedness the nearly complete lack of food was causing her. All she wanted was to go on kissing him forever.

He snickered, reversing the position, laying her down on her back with himself on top.

"Maybe it's the fever, but I've got the impression things are getting pretty hot in here." He muttered, brushing her hair back as he lowered himself over her mouth. "Very, very hot…"

Sara whimpered under his touch. She didn't know if the shivers running down her spine were due to the flu or simply to Nick's lips brushing her skin down along her tender shoulder.

His fingers grabbed the hem of her pyjamas and carefully pulled it up, leaving Sara with only a black bra to cover the upper part of her body.

He stared at her, taking in every single, gorgeous inch of that stunning view.

"How come you look more beautiful every time I undress you?"

Sara didn't say a word. She just imitated his gesture and dragged him back to her, enjoying the direct contact with his body, and trapped him into a deep, passionate kiss.

Nick was ready to finish what he'd just began, when Sara pulled away abruptly. She quickly freed herself from his grip and slipped away from under him, darting toward the bathroom with one hand pressed onto her mouth.

One second later he heard the by now familiar sound of her emptying the contents of her stomach then, just moments later, the water flushed.

"What did I tell you about eating that cupcake?" he yelled from the couch, putting his shirt back on.

Sara appeared on the doorstep with a killer look, her skin very pale and vaguely greenish, wiping her mouth with a towel.

"You look horrible." He commented playfully. Sara scowled and flung the towel right onto his face.

"Shut up." She snapped, as dignifiedly as her precarious balance let her, then she turned sassily on her heels and headed back to the bathroom, locking herself in.

Nick fell back on the couch, rolling his eyes, and smiled to himself. Life with Sara was never boring.

In that moment his attention randomly fell on the tv screen, where Julia Roberts was contentedly walking up a hill in her wedding gown, beaming at Richard Gere waiting for her with the priest, and suddenly Sara's face replaced Julia's, and he was standing in a tux instead of Gere.

He shook the thought off his mind, casting a look in the direction of the bathroom. It was a crazy idea, after all, but…

* * *

TBC... 


	2. Very Visible Evidence

Sara raised her head when a familiar voice greeted her and Greg, who were sitting in the breakroom, eating their lunch. He sent her an imperceptible wink, which she returned discreetly, barely keeping herself from beaming.

"Welcome back, Nicky." Saluted Greg, sprawled in his chair, feet on the table. "A whole week off… She must be really pretty."

Nick laughed gloomily, tossed his jacket on one of the free chairs and took a seat next to Sara.

"Yes, she is." He said with his best sarcasm. "The prettiest thing ever. Her name begins with _s_," Sara nearly choked in her juice. "And ends with _ickness_."

Greg didn't pay attention to her reaction and preferred not to give up on Nick.

"Sara couldn't stay away from me more than four days." He turned to her with a broad grin. "And ten minutes ago she told me she loves me."

Nick lifted his brows amusedly at Sara's hilarious expression.

"Did she?"

"You bet!" Greg took Sara's hand theatrically. "And just because I gave her a muffin… Ain't it sweet?"

"Oh, indeed." Nick agreed, casting her a serious look. "So it's you the guy I've heard of… The one who took her home when she nearly fainted in the parking lot, last week."

Greg put on a disbelieving face, and so did Sara.

"Nick!"

"It's okay, Sar," Nick smiled genuinely. "It's about time the team knows about your gorgeous boyfriend."

"You saw him?" Greg inquired interested. "How's he? How old? What kind of car does he have?"

Sara raised an eyebrow, challenging Nick to answer. She didn't know why he'd brought up the subject, but she sure wanted to see where he intended to get to.

"I could say I know him pretty well." Nick said indifferently, shrugging. "Almost as well as Sara does."

Sara rolled her eyes, crossing her arms. Greg sat straight and leant in closer to Nick with a conspiratorial expression.

"Really? How come I knew nothing of him?" he turned to Sara with a hurt expression. "Why did you tell _him_ and not _me_?"

She opened her mouth, seeking for some support from Nick, but he just chuckled, playing dumb. She was too astonished to find any excuse.

"I didn't-" she stammered in protest, chewing the last bite of her sandwich.

"She didn't tell me." Precised Nick, sharing a meaningful look with her. "I had to find out myself."

"And what does this guy look like?" Greg asked, his eyes sparkling with curiosity.

Nick pursed his lips, grabbing Sara's juice to take a sip.

"About my height. Dark eyes and hair, muscles… Very handsome."

"You forgot modest." Sara cut in, nonchalantly licking her fingertips.

"Who is modest?"

The three of them glanced at the door, where Catherine and Warrick were standing watching them.

"Sara's new jerk." Greg announced, in a tone he could have used to speak of his mother's death.

"Watch your mouth!" Nick barked, before he could even realise that.

"Congratulations, Sara." Catherine complimented, entering the room, stirring her coffee. Warrick followed, casting Sara a doubtful look.

"He's not some kind of new generation Hank, 's he?" he asked, but Sara huffed impatiently. That was all Nick's fault.

"He's a good guy." She reassured everyone. "I trust him with every fiber of my being."

Nick smiled brightly and Sara's cheeks tinted visibly. She had never spoken of her feelings to anyone else so far, and he was glad she confided in him enough to tell the others something like that.

"Does Grissom know about him?" Catherine dared. An awkward silence fell in the room.

Sara felt everyone become uncomfortable as Catherine intently started at her, waiting for a response.

"It's not like I go around handing out flyers about my private life." She blazed, downright raising a defensive wall. Her anxiety subsided a bit when Nick decided to intervene.

"I believe Sara has learned by far who she can and cannot trust." He uttered, calmly thumbing a magazine he'd just picked from the table. "I bet her jerk knows how lucky he is."

The redness on Sara's cheeks became even more intense, and she had to duck her head into her bag to hide it away.

Catherine looked back and forth from her to him for a couple of seconds, and Nick could almost hear her brains process the clues and stitch them together into a clear picture.

"So… When are you going to introduce him to the family?" she asked Sara, a sly glimpse in her eyes.

"I think he'd be quite at ease in here." She mused thoughtfully.

"I bet you spend all your time telling him about me and how madly you have fallen for me." Greg said, in a funny sexy tone. Sara giggled.

"In fact, Greg, it's like he knows you personally."

"And he'll kill you in no time if he finds out you spat such things about his girl." Nick meddled sternly.

Greg gaped at him in confusion, and Sara nearly burst out laughing.

"Okay, the Sara Sidle Show is over, case closed." She said, standing up to go to throw the remnants of her lunch into the trash. She was about to leave the room when she spotted a chocolate bar on the counter and picked it up.

"Warrick, is this yours?"

"Yep. You can take it, I have a bunch in my locker… Tina won't let me eat that stuff at home."

"Thanks."

They all stared at her, dumbfounded, as she unwrapped the bar and took a bite, heading outside the door, satisfied.

"Where the hell does she put all that crap she eats?" Catherine whined, dropping a scorned gaze on her black coffee.

"Loads of physical activity, I suppose." Said Greg. "Loads of sex."

A low chuckle escaped from Nick's lips.

"You bet."

"Hey, dude," Warrick exclaimed, tilting his head. "Is that a hickey you have there?"

All colour drained off Nick's face and his hand bolted up to his neck, covering a very precise spot.

"It's uh… I was stung by a mosquito last night." He lied. "I'll go and see if Grissom has something to put on it."

He quickly stood from the chair and left before anyone could ask further questions, taking a mental note not to forget again that working with CSIs required double attention in hiding hickeys. Luckily the rest of them was nowhere to be seen. It was times like that that he regretted Sara didn't use foundation or concealer.

Turning a corner in the deserted corridor, he nearly bumped into her, who was now happily sipping another orange juice.

"Do you have a pain in your neck?" she asked, seeing his hand still placed over the side of it.

"Yes, a naughty girlfriend who likes to leave compromising marks all over my body." He answered ironically. "And very acute co-workers."

Sara put on her trademark half pout, stifling a smile.

"This is your deserved punishment for blurting out about my very secret boyfriend."

Nick shook his head, tugging his hand into his pockets.

"Sara, we'll have to tell them, sooner or later."

"I know. I know you want to scream this to the world, and I promise you will. Just… Not now." She tentatively looked him in the eye. "It's too soon."

He took a check around, making sure nobody was there, then stepped closer to her with a loving smile.

"We've known each other for ages by now… And let me count how long you've been staying at my place…"

"Nick, please." She sighed, rubbing her eyes with a hand. "Not now, okay?"

She made to walk away, but Nick grabbed her wrist and kept her.

"Nick-"

"It's okay, Sar." He said sweetly. "Take all the time you need, I'm not going anywhere."

Sara smiled thankfully, feeling her heart warming at once at his loving voice.

"I know."

Nick nodded and let go of her, exhaling in relief.

"Okay."

He watched her walk away, then backed on the wall, closing his eyes for a moment. The problem about Sara was that however obvious her problems could be, you'd never know if it was serious or just a darker shade of her usual blueness.

* * *

TBC... 


	3. Forever

The hot steamy water washed over Sara's body in a soft almond scented embrace, soaking her hair down her back, erasing her soft curls. Her tensed muscles slowly began to relax under the soothing effect of the peaceful atmosphere around her. She placed her hands on the cold black tiles and tiredly rested her forehead against them.

She didn't know why she was so reluctant about even considering the possibility of letting the others know of her and Nick, and she was also painfully conscious he was disappointed of her indecision, but she felt like she had some kind of block in her heart, a block that locked her inside herself whenever something would hit a little too close to home.

A sudden knock on the door startled her, awakening from her thoughts.

"Sar," Nick's voice came tranquil but vaguely concerned. "Are you okay in there?"

"I'm fine." She answered. She quickly grabbed her bathrobe as she got out of the shower and covered herself. Had she really been there long enough to have him worried?

She went to open the door, water dripping off her to leave a trail on the cool floor.

She smiled when his embarrassed face appeared in front of her.

"Were you afraid I'd finish the hot water?" she asked playfully, closing the door behind herself. Nick grinned sheepishly.

"I was actually making sure you hadn't fainted or something."

Sara groaned, pushing him aside.

"That happened only once, Nick." She pointed, heading toward their bedroom, but he sent her a wry look.

"Twice, if we don't count the time you said you'd stumbled." He retorted sternly.

They crossed the doorway and Sara disappeared in the wardrobe.

"You're just overprotecitve." She said, getting dressed. "And even a little paranoid."

"I'm just trying to put some limits to your irresponsibility." He crossed the room and propped onto the wall, watching her appreciatively.

Sara glared at him and covered herself with her nightie.

"I'm not irresponsible." She barked. "And stop looking at me like that." And she shoved her bathrobe across his face.

Nick laughed, and Sara couldn't help but relent. She loved the sound of his laugh, it reminded her how happy she'd been since she'd let him into her life.

That was Nick's power. No matter how downcast she'd feel, he could always drag her out of her problems with just one look.

"It's the only way I've ever looked at you." He said amusedly. "It's just that you only notice it when you feel naked… Like now."

"Nick, I _am_ naked!"

"Trust me, I've noticed." He smirked.

Without a word, Sara stormed past him, fuming, and went to grab her robe on the bed. It was when she bent down the she felt that unpleasant lightheadedness again, and before she could even realise it, she was collapsing onto the mattress on her knees.

It took Nick no longer than a second to be next to her, hand on her back, scrutinising her attentively.

"Overprotective, uh?" he smirked, helping her standing again. Sara clutched to his strong arms, holding herself up as her head went on spinning furiously.

Nick's heart cringed when his arms wrapped around her frame, finding her skinnier than usual. Thin by nature, she felt dangerously light in his grip, and definitely not healthy.

"You should see a doctor, you know." He began tentatively, brushing her hair back. "If not for yourself, at least do this for me."

Sara nodded, eyeing him, lips pursed. She didn't like doctors. She didn't like anyone who'd tell her what do and how. Sara didn't like to admit she couldn't make it on her own, sometimes.

"Fine," she agreed helplessly at last. "If by the end of the week I'm not completely healed, then I'll go to the doctor."

Nick's smile widened visibly. His eyes were locked in hers and she could clearly feel his pulse increase when his hand set over her cheek, stroking it gently.

"I just want what's best for you." He whispered as their faces approached slowly.

"Make me a delicious dinner, then." She said huskily. Their lips skimmed and he held her tighter to him.

He chuckled. Walking backwards, her back eventually ended up pressed against the wall, trapped between it and Nick. He kissed her jawline, trailing down to her throat until her collarbone, then up to her ear. His tongue played for a moment with her lobe, nibbling at it as her nail dug in his back, low moans hardly enclosed within her lips.

When Sara's tongue started demanding for an access, Nick flinched a few inches, suddenly looking nervous. He stared at her, holding her by her hips.

"Sara, we… We're happy, aren't we? Together, I mean…"

"Yes, I guess…" she blinked wonderingly. "Yes, we are."

He made a brief pause, swallowing hard. Perhaps he was going to ruin everything, he'd probably scare her off, and he knew scared Sara meant runaway Sara, but he felt confident enough to give it a try.

"I want this to last forever." He confessed, and took something from his pocket. "Look, I… I know this might sound a little rushed, but my life perspective has been different since I was…" the voice died away. He dropped his head and he lifted his hand, where was a small black velvet box. Her eyes widened in shock as she took in what was happening, and breathing seemed to become impossible.

"Nick, is this… Are you really-?"

He licked his lips, undoing the clasp of the box to expose the most stunning diamond ring she'd ever seen.

"I know you think it's stupid, but I love you, Sara, and I want to stay with you for the rest of my life, whatever it happens."

"I… I don't-" Sara was speechless.

"Don't take this as stupid conventional thing… I just want you to promise me that, one day, in the future, you'll be here to become my wife." He said. "And if you think it's too much, if you don't want to do this yet, I und-"

"I do."

Nick's head flipped up in astonishment. He had hoped with all himself to hear those words and now he wasn't so sure it was real.

"W-what?" he stammered, feeling his heart pounding.

Sara's hand lingered above the ring, trembling imperceptibly. It was a big step, and something totally new to her, and she couldn't possibly deny, at least to herself, that she was scared, but then she saw Nick's loving expression, and the deep emotion in his eyes, and she realised she wanted that as much as he did.

She solemnly took the ring out of the box, then looked up at Nick and put it into his free hand.

"Ask me."

"Sar, are you absolutely-"

She placed her fingertips over his mouth, sealing it with a tiny smile.

"Ask me, Nick."

Nick smiled emotionally, returning a watery smile. He left the box on the counter and took Sara's right hand, inhaling to steady himself. Sara felt an unknown sensation of happiness spring inside her.

"Sara, you're the best thing that has ever happened to me…" he rubbed the back of her hand with his thumb, the diamond glittering in the dim light of the kitchen as he slid the ring on her finger. "Will you do me the honour to become my wife?"

Sara swallowed the growing lump in her throat and a solitary tear rolled along her face. She felt the joy overwhelm her when she herd herself reply.

"Yes."

She flung herself into his arms and squeezed him as tight as she could, losing the control over her emotions.

She was going to be a Stokes.

* * *

TBC... 


	4. A Friend In Need

The smile on Sara's face was so bright that it would easily attract a moth, had any been around. Her fingers kept fidgeting with the ring hanging to the thin silver chain she had around her neck until she and Nick crossed the entrance of the lab, then she let it fall under her shirt, getting a glare from Nick. He still wouldn't miss a chance to remark how impossible it was for him to see why she was still so unsure about the two of them. They were engaged, after all.

They walked side by side, a little closer than they would have done once, until they reached the breakroom. Everyone but Warrick was already inside.

"Go ahead, honey," he said into her ear. "They're not going to eat us."

"Easy for you to say." She retorted dryly, covering her already well hidden peculiar pendant with her hand.

She pushed the door open and everybody distractedly mumbled some greeting. Only Grissom's attention roamed a couple of seconds longer than necessary on them. Nick could tell he was a bit abashed by their combined arrival, and realised it was the first time they actually showed up in the same moment.

He and Sara departed and cautiously took seats across from each other. Everything would have been easier if they had had nothing to hide.

"You look different, Sara…" Greg said, while checking her out. "Did something to you hair?"

Sara's hand automatically went up to her secret pendant.

"Nope." She answered, prompting a nonchalant smile that never on earth Nick would have bought, but Greg didn't seem to notice how fake it was.

"New earrings?"

"No."

"Different make up?"

"No." Sara was getting nervous.

"There's something different in you."

"Greg, cut it." she hissed warningly. Greg stood from his chair and headed to the fridge.

"As you wish, madam."

In that moment Warrick arrived, nearly jumping in.

"Sorry guys, I was struck in the traffic." He apologised, wiping some sweat off his forehead.

"No problem," Catherine reassured him. "Nicky and Sara were late too."

Nick caught a subtle hue of mischief in her tone and abruptly faced away when she turned to him with a smirk.

"Ew, what's this horrible smell?" Sara took her hand to her mouth and looked at Greg, who was blissfully nibbling at a sandwich, something nobody mentally sane would have done at 8 am. "Greg, why the hell are you eating a eggs at this time?"

The disgusted expression on her face would have been hilarious, if she hadn't looked so seriously bothered.

"Excuse me." She mumbled, then ran out of the room. Greg didn't even have the time to open his mouth.

"What's wrong with her?" Grissom asked, showing a hint of concern.

Nick looked at each of them and all he could do was sigh and shrug helplessly. Officially, he wasn't supposed to know. Little did it matter that he actually had no clue.

"She's been acting weird, lately." Greg conveyed casually, chewing his sandwich. "I suspect this has something to do with her charming prince."

"This is none of our business." Grissom intervened flatly, but Warrick snorted.

"Oh, c'mon, Sara's not famous for her brilliant skills in choosing the right men. What do we know about this guy?"

"Yeah," Greg accorded. "What if he's a pusher, or an abuser, or-"

"Give her some credit, guys!" Nick exclaimed abruptly, then calmed down a bit, reminding himself the situation. "I mean, he could be a decent guy, as far as we know…"

"I agree with Nicky." Catherine said.

"I still doesn't explain why she always looks like she's about to pass out…"

Nick exchanged a look with Catherine and got the impression she knew more than he did himself.

--

Sara flushed the toilet, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. A nasty acid taste burned her throat as she fastidiously breathed in and out, trying to suppress another wave of nausea.

She heard the door of the bathroom open and the rhythmic ticking sound of a pair of heels approach the cubicle she was in.

"Sara?" Catherine's voice asked. "Sara, I know you're in there."

Sara made to reply when another part of her lunch came back in her mouth. She threw it up, coughing out every little bit of it, eyes squeezed. This wasn't good for her headache. It wasn't good at all. Especially if Catherine was witnessing to it.

When she finally was certain it was over, Sara opened the door, already anticipating the lecture the other woman was about to give her. She gave the blonde a supplicant gaze, but all she got in return was a scolding glare. She rolled her eyes impatiently. She really didn't feel like bearing one, at the moment.

"I'm fine." She said, walking past her. "Really."

"Sara, I've been keeping an eye on you for a few days," Catherine began. She moved a couple of steps toward her with a concerned look. "You're pale like a ghost and it's the third time in a week I see you running in here to puke. You're _not_ fine."

Sara started washing her hands, avoiding the subject. She bent over the sink and splashed some water on her face, mentally begging Catherine to leave her alone, but apparently the message was not so clear. She hated it when people would meddle in her own life and tell her what she could or couldn't do.

"You're not in the conditions to work."

Sara let the water drain off her face, letting the drops fall one by one, propping on the sink with her hands. She desperately wanted to lean her burning forehead against the cold surface of the mirror, and sink in it to cross to another world.

"I decide if I'm in the conditions to work." She stated stiffly. "And I am."

Catherine sat back against the sink nearby, arms folded in front of her chest. Sara was getting irritated. She vented the urge to yell her to go away by grabbing a towel from the dispenser, a little too energetically. Her irritation grew as Catherine's inquiring eyes weighted on her more heavily, trying to dig up things she had long and carefully kept secret..

"You should really see a doctor." She insisted.

Sara tried not to lose her temper. She took a deep breath and turned around, fists clenched.

"Catherine, I do appreciate you interest," she said, forcedly quietly. "I've already promised Nick I'll see a doctor if this doesn't pass."

Catherine raised an eyebrow.

"You've promised Nick."

Sara bit her tongue. She dropped her head, masking her flushing behind a curtain of hair. She knew her colleague was going to send her home, but not before a good preach.

"This isn't going to pass so soon." Catherine observed knowingly. "How long have you been sick? Two weeks? Three?" Sara had never got that motherly expression from her before. "It's a little too long for a flu, Sara…"

Sara smiled uncomfortably, unable to figure out what the point was. She wanted to get out of there, as soon as possible. Why was her friend pushing the issue so much?

Sara looked at her in disorientation. Catherine gave her an unusual sympathetic look.

"You don't have the slightest idea of what's going on, do you?"

* * *

TBC... 


	5. Turn Of The Screw

"That girl is weird."

Nick looked at Warrick as they walked down the corridor and stifled a laugh. His friend didn't need to specify the name of _that girl_ to let him understand who he was talking about. Sara's weirdness was always so delightfully manifested that people couldn't help make observations about it. in particular, Nick had often found funny to share with Warrick his opinions toward the brunette, and even funnier to learn about his, but now it was not so fun anymore. Hearing other men speculating about her had become somewhat annoying, not because they would say unpleasant things, but rather because it wasn't any longer about just Sara. It was about _his_ Sara, and, unbelievable as it was, he discovered himself jealous.

It was a new feeling to him, and he wasn't sure he liked it. It made him want to slap anyone who would even mention her name across their face, and it wasn't a very nice thought, especially in his best friend's regards.

"Hey, man," Warrick poked him. "You're silent, today…"

Nick was jolted back to reality. He opened the door to the parking lot, trying to dig up a random excuse. He felt bad for lying to his friend, but Sara had begged him to keep their romance secret, at least for now, and though he wanted everyone to know, he just kept his mouth shut, for Sara's sake.

"I didn't sleep very well." He said.

Warrick patted him on the shoulder.

"My car or yours?"

Nick thought Warrick's car was a little too new too be tortured by the desert rocks among which their body had been found.

"Mine." He answered absentmindedly. He screened his eyes from the bright sunlight and spotted the car. Keys in his hand, he walked to it and made to open.

"Wait," Warrick began. "Isn't this-?"

Nick's brain processed too late what the other man meant. Now that he remembered, that wasn't exactly his car.

He'd got so used to use it that he had completely forgotten that, officially, that was known as _Sara Sidle's_ car.

He gulped a curse, inhaling slowly with his head bent. He wasn't as good as Sara in finding excuses, and twice in a minute was a little too hard.

"Nick?"

Warrick's inquiring expression was so piercing that Nick felt his net of security lies crumble down piece by piece to his feet.

"Well," he licked his lips, scratching the back of his head, puzzled. "Sara… She, you know… I…"

A wide, knowing smirk started spreading over Warrick's face.

"Oh-my-god!"

"It's not what you think!" objected Nick, well aware his face must have been on fire.

Warrick snickered, jiggling his head, and punched his arm.

"I refuse to believe you guys didn't tell us!"

"Rick…"

"Dude, I'm so happy for you two..."

"Warrick."

"Grissom is going to kill you, you know?"

"Warrick!" Nick burst out bluntly. "Shut up."

He took a hand to his head, sighing at his friend's stoned figure. He hadn't meant to be rude, but bearing Sara's indecisiveness was already hard enough without having everyone to know.

"I'm sorry." He apologised. "I appreciate your… Enthusiasm."

Warrick scowled and blinked.

"What's wrong?"

It was done, it was too late to try and deny it, Nick knew. At least now he felt a little relieved that someone knew about that small detail. From the very beginning of the whole thing he had known being with Sara wouldn't be simple, and his experience on the field had taught him there was price to pay for loving her, and willing as he was to honour it in full, sometimes he felt like she could drive him to the edge. He couldn't admit it, not even to himself, but it was painful to know that she was so reluctant to let the team know about them.

"Nothing's wrong." He prompted a smile and opened the driver door in his best unaffected attitude. "Shall we go?"

Warrick stopped him before he could climb onto the seat and dragged him back with a stern look.

"Lie to me, if you want," he said stiffly, but he immediately sweetened as Nick gazed at him guiltily. "But if anything is wrong between the two of you, then talk to her, fix this, whatever it is…"

"I talk to her!" Nick blurted hastily. "Do you think she's shown any sing that she's got something to tell me? I _do_ talk to her, Warrick, but she cringes and hides away whenever I try to communicate with her!"

Slightly shocked, Warrick gaped at that sudden explosion of repressed anger. Nick tilted his head to him and smiled again, this time genuinely.

"Looks like I upset you." He quipped, quietened down. Warrick did not drop his thoughtful mode.

"You've never had a real row, have you?"

"I'm so afraid to hurt her…" sighed Nick. "Sometimes I'm so glad to have her that I'd only second her."

Warrick nodded nostalgically, as though he knew exactly what he was talking about.

"I know the feeling… All you want is to make things work at any cost, and in the end… You end up living in some sort of fiction."

Nick was impressed of how detailed his friend's speech was. So detailed, in fact, that he had the impression he knew it wasn't just a word of sympathy. Things with Tina had never been good, and their divorce had been no big deal for anyone.

"Talk to the girl." Warrick advised him. "You both deserve to be happy, and I've never seen either of you so happy as you are now… Don't let this end."

Nick watched him walk around the car to the passenger side, his mind racing while musing over his words. Feeling more and more apprehensive, he got into the car and placed his hands on the wheel, eyes closed. Sara's scent was everywhere. Could Warrick smell it too?

He drove in silence for a couple of minutes, feeling Warrick's occasional glances scrutinise him furtively. At the second traffic-light he felt like he was going to explode.

"I asked her to marry me."

A long, awkward pause came in response.

"You did _what_?"

Nick rubbed his eyes, facing down.

Sara would kill him for spatting that out, but if there was someone who could understand him and give him some good tips, that one was Warrick.

-------

Sara stared down at her lap, sitting on the cold tiles of Nick's bathroom, _their_ bathroom. She bit her lip, her breath weak and frantic in her lumped throat. Her misty eyes could barely focus what she had in her hands, and yet she knew exactly what she was looking at.

Her heart started hammering in her chest, almost violently, pressing the blood against her already aching temples.

Catherine had offered to drive her home, but Sara had just shaken her head and said she'd rather walk, and so she had done. Besides she really wasn't in the mood to explain Catherine why her new address mysteriously coincided with Nick's.

He should have been home, by now, but she realised she cherished every second that separated her from him. She missed him, and needed to feel him by her side, but that would imply explanations she certainly wasn't ready to give.

He would ask the reason of her watery eyes, and her trembling lips. He would ask why she was so shocked, and she would have to tell him.

Little did she know it wasn't going to be so easy.

In that moment, in fact, the cell-phone lying next to her started ringing urgently, a name her blurry sight wouldn't let her read flashing on the display.

She grabbed it and prayed her voice would sound normal.

"Sidle."

"_Sara_." Grissom's solemn and nervous tone froze her on her spot.

"Gil," she quickly wiped her face, trying to cool down. "What's wrong?"

"_It's… It's Nick, Sara… He and Warrick…_"

* * *

TBC... 


	6. Don't Cry

Hyperventilating and panicking, Sara was sure, were not listed among the ten most healthy things to do in a moment like that. The accident Grissom had just informed her about was not one of their usual cases, it didn't fall within the line of duty, it wasn't _work_. This time the victims were not strangers.

Nick was hurt. Warrick was hurt. Everything was dangerously slipping out of control, and in Sara's world that meant more than chaos. That meant terror.

Her spinning head wouldn't give her a breath. She had to get out of there and run to the hospital, she had to stand up, she needed to make it, but the more she tried, the worse she felt.

Struggling against her own despair, though, she had forgotten of one thing.

"_Sara? Sara, are you okay?_"

She looked down at the floor, where her cell-phone lay open, Grissom's muffled voice calling for her. She half-blindly reached out for it, somehow managing to take it tremblingly to her ear.

"Grissom…" It came out as a terrified, feeble plea. "I… I need you to drive me there… Please…" In her conditions she obviously would never be able to get there on her own.

"_Sara, calm down,_" Grissom replied. "_I'm at the hospital now, I'll send Catherine over, okay?_"

Sara was yet about to nod when a flash of awareness crossed her messy thoughts. She was at home, that was true, but not where she was supposed to be. Although she hadn't told her anything, she still had the sensation the blonde knew what she was hiding. She had been right about one thing, already, and, given all the hints Nick had been dropping around, Sara by now believed her colleague had figured out the situation.

"Tell her… Tell her she knows where to find me." She muttered.

"What do you mean?" Grissom inquired. Sara let a wave of impatient aggressiveness subside before speaking again.

"Just… Just tell her. Please."

"Sure, I will. Don't worry." He stuttered, his tone revealing a hardly repressed want to detect further.

And as the call was closed, Sara felt a heavy cold mantle envelop her tightly in a safe embrace of numbness.

After what appeared to be hours, she heard the door bell ring. In a weird state of emotional trance, Sara forced herself to lurch through the house to the door. When she opened, Catherine's rueful face turned up to her, looking deeply suffering.

"Sara…"

"Let's go." She cut it off with a dull expression, grabbing her bag from the stand.

Catherine watched speechlessly as she walked out of the apartment and impassively headed toward the stairs.

"Sara," the blonde ran after her and placed a hand over her shoulder, forcing her to turn around. "Are you okay?"

Sara smiled. Yes, she was okay. She'd just left a pregnancy test somewhere in the bathroom, scared as hell to even touch it, and her boyfriend had just had a serious accident, but she was okay, of course she was.

"I'm fine." She said reassuringly. "Really. Thanks for coming to pick me up, by the way."

Stunned in front of Sara's peculiar attitude, Catherine couldn't but nod and follow her down the stairs.

-------

The first thing she saw was Warrick, pacing furiously the corridor with a long, bloody cut all along the right side of his face and a plastered arm. He was wounded, but he looked fine, and a pinch of relief took her over. Nick must have been still with the doctor. It wasn't as bad as Grissom had made it sound. Everything was going to be fine.

A broad smile bloomed on her lips as she approached Warrick, who toko a while to realise she was coming, discreetly followed by a very quiet Catherine.

"Hey!" she said brightly, hugging him carefully. "I'm glad you're okay. Where's Nick?"

He barely hugged her back, pulling apart within an eye blink. She didn't like the dark shade in his eyes when they set on her, his unharmed hand holding her arm firmly. She returned the look with the same intensity, not getting any response.

"How's he?" she asked, growing more and more anxious when her friend hesitated for so long.

"Surgery." He mumbled at last. Sara wasn't sure she had got it right.

"Excuse me?"

Warrick looked down, his fingers seizing her more firmly. He sighed, squeezing his eyes in pain, and Sara's heart cracked.

Nick was fine. He had to be.

"Warrick?"

He licked his lips in discomfort, apparently unable to raise his eyes upon her.

"I don't know why - for what miracle – I came out alive and almost unscathed, but" He finally found the courage to look at her. "That was like hell, Sara. That Hummer crashed against us so violently, there was blood everywhere, I was so scared-"

"Warrick," She held her hand up infirmly to shut him up, ghosts of tears staring filling her eyelids. "How is he?"

"The Hummer broke into your car… It was coming from our left." Sara held her breath as, one by one, each of those word made it's way through her mind. "Nick was driving…"

And just as only a few days before it had seemed to bloom, Sara's world fell to pieces in a haeartbeat, scattering at her feet with the loudest noise she'd ever heard.

"No…"

"They say he's going to make it."

"No," Sara shook her head, trying to writhe. "This is… This is not-"

"I know you are scared, but, trust me-"

"No!" she yelled furiously, plucking herself from Warrick's grip. "You don't understand, this is wrong…" she faltered weakly. "It's all wrong…"

For a brief moment her look met Catherine's, who was standing apart in one corner, arms around herself, barely keeping herself together.

"Oh my god." She breathed, hiding her face behind a hand.

A pang of pain gripped Sara, enlacing around her throat. She couldn't breathe, nor formulate any other thought than Nick's life being in danger.

She realised she couldn't stand on her feet only when Warrick grabbed her and helped her to the closest chair. She let him lead her, though unconscious of her own actions, and after what felt like a second found herself sitting with a glass of water in her hands, Warrick cowered in front of her. Catherine was being walked by a nurse to another corridor, asking her questions Sara couldn't discern.

It was a bad dream, she kept repeating it to herself over and over again, but despite that desperate mantra, she was still in that waiting room, and Nick wasn't by her side.

Warrick regarded her, smiling affably.

"You're upset now, but he'll be okay." He calmingly rubbed her back of her hand with his thumb. "We're not gonna lose our cowboy."

Sara let out a small hysterical laugh.

"It's not just this." She said, shaking. "Wish it was that easy…"

Warrick sighed and rose to sit next to her. Sara felt the urge to break down in tears, but she knew that is she would start, she would never be able to stop.

"Nick told me." He said mildly, his hand still above hers. "About everything."

Though surprised, Sara did not react as impetuously as one would have expected. She couldn't lose the control over her mixed feelings of anger, frustration and sorrow. It was such a violent emotion that it was impossible to convey.

So it was real, now. Nick had told Warrick about their engagement, she knew he had, and he had barely had the time to be relieved for having shared that secret with someone. She hadn't even counted, among all the possible cons, that their plans would be compromised by a tragedy. She had thought of arguments, or simple changes, or even betrayal, but not of what she was facing now.

Nothing was going as meant.

"This isn't fair." She sobbed, dropping her head in pain. "Why him? he's already risked his life enough so far… Why, of all the other people, him _again_?"

Warrick pulled her to him and started caressing her hair, trying and failing to calm her down, but Sara's human utmost limit of endurance had far been crossed.

"I know, baby, I know." Warrick whispered contritely. "It should have been me."

Sara suddenly realised how mean she had been. It hadn't been intentional, but what she had said was horrible, especially because she'd just said it in front of one of her dearest friends.

"Warrick, I'm sorry." She removed her arms from around his neck and slid them down to his chest, sniffling. "I… I didn't mean that, I swear."

"Hold in there, Sara, in a few hours it'll be over and we'll forget about this."

She forced herself to pull away and regain her control. She put on a watery smile as she wiped her glossy eyes with the sleeve of her shirt.

"I don't know what's happening to me." She said. "I'm acting like a little girl…"

"It's a delicate situation," intervened Warrick. "It's normal to get emotional…"

"No, this is not normal. Not for me." She retorted. "Damn these hormones."

For a moment it looked like Warrick was about to reply, but then a big question mark painted on his face, quickly replaced by a light of awareness.

"You're not!" he exclaimed breathlessly. Sara smiled shyly, shrugging, and tried to muster up what she hoped would sound like a nonchalant tone. She turned to meet his astounded gaze. Her heart pounded wildly within her chest as her lips departed to say those three words she had so longed to tell Nick.

"I'm pregnant."

* * *

TBC... 


	7. Alone In The Dark

Warrick enjoyed the chill touch of the water he had just sloshed over his face, hearing Sara throw up behind the door. They'd been waiting for nearly two hours and still nobody had been able to give them any news about Nick.

Sara had fallen asleep on him for about half an hour when his cell-phone had rung, waking her up. He had turned it off without even bothering to check who it was. Doubtlessly, Tina wouldn't call him, not at that time of the night, nor at any other time. Things between them weren't going fine, and he didn't really care if she wouldn't show up. Besides, he had done everything in his power to not let her know about the accident, and, luckily, the hospital she worked in was miles away from here.

He had tried to convince Sara to eat something, but minutes later she'd started feeling sick, and he'd accompanied her to the bathroom a nurse indicated them. She'd been in there for nearly ten minutes.

It was a difficult moment for all of them, but for her in particular it must have been terrible. Though he had just discovered her relationship with Nick, Warrick had noticed how serene she'd been lately, and now he knew why, he also knew her feeling of loneliness was beyond imagination. He sincerely felt for her, and, powerless as he was, he found himself wishing it'd actually been him instead of Nick. In the end, he wouldn't have lost much. A marriage on the edge of failure was all he would find once out of there.

At last Sara swayed out of the toilet, tiredly running a hand through her hair. He watched her wash her mouth and wipe it with a towel, greyish in the face. She looked shattered, and she probably was.

"You need to rest." He stated, then offered her his arm to prop on to and walked with her back to the waiting room. He could feel her exhaustion in the passive way she followed him, something he had never thought he would ever find in Sara Sidle.

"I just want to see him." she murmured. He shifted his arm around her shoulder and stroked it friendly, albeit aware there was no comfort he could transmit her.

"Mr Brown."

They both turned around. A middle-aged doctor was walking toward them, wearing a strange expression. Warrick recognized him as one of the doctors who had taken Nick to the surgery room. Sara shook hands with him.

"Doctor Thompson."

"Sara Sidle."

She and Warrick looked at him in expectation.

"The surgery was successful." He declared, and Sara relaxed a little.

"Is he okay now?"

"Not exactly." The man said, glancing at her.

"What about the surgery?" Warrick inquired.

"I'm sorry, but I'm not allowed to tell you more if you're not family." He turned to Sara. "Are you Mr Stokes's wife?"

"Fiancée." She said with no hesitation, bringing out a harsh tone Warrick wouldn't have expected. "And I'm carrying his child, if you want to test it for DNA… Do you think this is family enough?"

The doctor gaped at her in clear embarrassment, his face tinting visibly.

"We'll have to keep him in observation for a few days, we'll keep him monitored for about a week. We've had to ablate his spleen, and he lost a lot of blood… His heart stopped beating for longer than a minute…"

Every word was like a stab. For a moment Warrick considered the option to interrupt him and drag Sara away, but she was so shocked he didn't dare break her emotional balance.

"I need to see him." she pleaded. "Now."

"He looks really bad. I don't think it is advisable, in your conditions-"

Sara started fuming.

"Don't even go there, please." she exclaimed angrily. "Just tell me when I can see him."

"Not before tomorrow, I'm afraid." The doctor answered patiently. "But even then, he won't awake before a couple of days. He might never be the same again…"

Sara bit her trembling bottom lip and wrapped her arms around heself, her face like a pained ivory mask.

"What is this supposed to mean?" Her voice was thoaty and dry, barely audible even in the quietness of the hospital.

"The lack of blood might have caused some minor damage to his brain."

"Like what?" Sara asked timidly, though she sounded like she didn't really want to know. Personally, Warrick wasn't sure he did.

The man sighed, his eyes studying them both.

"Motor difficulties, compromised cognitive-communication skills, memory loss."

A short silence fell. Warrick pressed his fingers deeper into Sara's shoulder, unconsciously holding her closer to him. He could almost feel her struggle to keep her tough facade up.

"So he…" Sara seemed to seek for the strength to speak. "He'll live."

"Yes, he will." The doctor gave her a smile. "And I promise you I'll do anything in my power to make sure he'll still be the same as you know him." He held out his hand and shook theirs again. "Now, if you would excuse me…"

He left without another word, leaving the two of them hanging between the relief he was safe and the fear for his conditions.

In that moment Catherine arrived, carrying a folder, which could only mean the paperwork was done.

"Hey." She greeted. "Grissom just called. He's supervising the day shift for this case, and Greg is giving a hand. We're going to get them." Then she gave them both a caring look. "And you two should go home."

"I'm not moving from here." Warrick declared firmly.

"Neither am I." Sara agreed. "Not until I've seen him with my own eyes."

Catherine smiled sadly.

"Guys, I know how you care for him, but, seriously, for your own sake, go home and rest as long as you can. I'll stay here."

A conflict started in Warrick's kind. On one hand he didn't want to leave his friend, because he felt extremely guilty for having got out of that accident with a couple of scratches. On the other hand, time would pass more quickly if he only would manage to get some sleep, and, above all, he wanted to ascertain that Sara would get some, too.

"What if something happens and I'm not here?" Sara asked unsurely. "I can't leave him…"

"You're not leaving him, Sara." The blonde insisted sweetly. "He wouldn't want you to stay up all night like this. Drop your stubbornness, just for this time… Go home and take care of yourself – of your baby – and tomorrow you can come back and stay with him."

For an instant Catherine seemed to regret something she had said, but then turned toward Warrick and, not seeing any kind of reaction from him, simply waited. Nonetheless, he was surprised the older woman knew about Sara and Nick, and the other little secret.

Though sensing Sara's hesitation, Warrick saw her lower her head and nod yieldingly. The mere word 'baby' had been enough to dissipate all her indecision, and he thought he knew why. Nick was going to be ecstatic about that baby, and even if Sara was definitely frightened, she wanted to have at least some good news to give him when he would wake up.

Catherine enveloped them together in a brief hug.

"A cab is waiting for you at the entrance." She told them. She placed one hand on Sara's shoulder and grinned gently. "See you tomorrow, okay?"

-------

As soon as the door closed behind her, Sara rested back onto it, gulped by the darkness of the living room. She closed her eyes, pursing her lips in the ultimate attempt not to give up to her want to let go of the tears.

She breathed in and out a few times to try to relax, but in vain. She couldn't stop thinking about Nick, _her_ Nick, and how things had turned horribly wrong in such a short time.

She should have expected this, she should have known that happiness wouldn't last. She should have been ready to face a stroke like that, but she wasn't at all.

She softly covered her stomach with her hands, and for the first time noticed the light, nearly imperceptible curve that had started forming. She felt a shiver shake her and with a sigh looked down at it, feeling her heart sink.

"And now what do we do?"

* * *

TBC... 


	8. Someone Else's Girl

Crying was something intimate and private, something Sara didn't like to do in front of other people, and now, sitting with her legs pulled to her chest on Nick's bed, she felt lonely enough to release those tears she had fought back for too long.

It was five o'clock in the morning, her white night was getting to an end, and all she had in her mind was the overload of worries she bore on her shoulders. Everything had looked simple with Nick by her side, but now she didn't feel at home anymore among those walls. The whole house felt empty and cold, and completely unknown.

She clutched at Nick's shirt and buried her face in it, breathing his scent as though it was all that kept her alive. He'd always been the optimistic one, the one who would find a bright side in everything and keep smiling through. Sara wondered what he would have told her now, what he would have done to make her feel better and get her to smile again.

Without him, she was again the old, gloomy Sara, the girl who needed to be saved and healed. Without Nick, she was nothing again.

Another couple of hours and she would finally get to see him. She couldn't wait to touch him and feel him, to see him breathe, safe and sound. She longed to see his eyes open, and hear him whisper her name.

Her heart was swollen with expectations and hope, but a little voice from the deep of her conscience wondered if she was ready to face a delusion.

Feeling like drowning in her own cry, she slowly drifted into a restless sleep.

-------

Hours later, Sara knocked on the on the open door of Grissom's office, jolting him up from his paperwork.

"Sara." He took off his glasses and dropped the pen. "What are you doing here so early? Is everything okay?"

Sara nodded.

"I'm on my way to the hospital, but I wanted to talk to you first." She said. "Got a minute?"

"Of course." He gestured toward the chair in front of him. "Have a seat."

Sara stepped inside, closing the door behind herself, conveying Grissom it was going to be a personal conversation. She didn't know what to expect, not when she was bringing such news. She had never really knows what he had on for her, and she thought he didn't, either. She sat down, lightly agitated.

"I find you in shape." He noted politely. "I'm glad you're better, at last."

Sara nodded again, trying to collect the courage to tell him what she had to.

"Yeah, thanks." She bit her bottom lip, eyes closed. "Grissom, I… I really need to tell you something."

He stared at her for a while, thoughtfully.

"I'm listening."

Sara pursed her lips and looked up decisively, meeting a gaze that was halfway between curious and afraid.

"It's about Nick."

"Sara, if this is about the case, you know we can't-"

"It's not about the case." She interrupted him. "But this is going to come out, sooner or later, so I want you to hear this from me rather than from some rumour."

Vaguely bewildered, Grissom patiently waited for her to go on, wrinkles forming above his furrowed brows.

Sara raised her hand and carefully slipped the ring from under her shirt, the diamond shining brightly on the dark fabric of the shirt.

"It's my engagement ring."

"You're engaged?" he asked in surprise. Sara nodded.

Grissom blinked blankly, tilting his head, and uneasily cleared his throat.

"What does it have to do with-?" It took him a few seconds to take in Sara's pained expression. "Oh."

Sara faced down, inhaling deeply, her lips pressed together.

"I thought you'd have preferred to find out directly from me." She said, her voice trembling. "Given… You know, Nick's conditions."

Her voice broke by the end of the sentence as a lonely tears crossed her face. Grissom watched her helplessly, and his silence floated in the small room, filling it with tension. He lowered his head and sighed, not looking at her.

"How long has this been going on?" he asked, but his tone sounded like he really would rather not know.

Sara swallowed, tucking her hair behind her ear with a tiny shrug.

"Six months. Give or take a week." She hesitatingly looked at him, trying to figure what was going on in his mind. Three years ago she had told him one day he would be too late, and now she was wondering how it felt like to know that _too late_ was today. "Are you okay with this?" she asked tentatively. Grissom didn't lift his look from his desk.

"It hurts." He confessed in the end, not caring to hide a certain sadness. "I knew this day would come. I just hoped it wouldn't be so soon." He gazed at her, glasses in his hands. "I didn't think it would be so painful."

The resignation in his voice crushed Sara's heart, but the talk is not over yet.

She propped her elbows on her knees and leant forward, burying her face into her hands for a moment, and rubbed her eyes tiredly. He wasn't exactly encouraging her, but she had to tell him.

"That's not all, actually." She added. Her words resonated among the walls like ghost whispers.

Grissom just awaited still, like petrified.

"You see, I…" There was no easy way to utter that, but she it was harder than she had expected. She breathed in and looked him in the eye, forcing herself to speak. "I'm pregnant."

Grissom's jaw dropped and he stiffened in his armchair.

"And it's…"

"Nick's." Sara confirmed, and couldn't help a small smile as her hands went to rest on her lower abdomen. "Nick's baby." She made a pause, trying to keep at bay all her contrasting emotions. "Crazy as it sounds..."

Grissom smiled as well, nostalgically and disbelievingly.

"Sara Sidle with child." He shook his head. "It sounds so unreal…"

"It wasn't planned." Sara explained. "We'd never even talked about this."

"Does he know?"

Sara's eyes shut in pain as she shook her head.

"I found out only yesterday." A nervous laugh escaped from her lips. "We thought it was just some virus." She sniffled, wiping a tear from her face. "Believe it or not, I was so happy… I knew he would be overjoyed when I'd tell him."

"Everything will be alright, Sara." He told her sweetly, but there was something awkward in the way his hand moved unsurely toward her. He still found it difficult to deal with people's feelings, not just other's, but even his own. Sara's sarcastic laugh mixed with a sob.

"Yeah, sure, as if."

She felt jaded and worn out, as though all her strength and life lay asleep with Nick.

"Sara…"

"I should get going." she said abruptly, standing up. She had done what she had to do, now all she wanted was to go and see Nick. "See you."

She was about to cross the doorway, when Grissom called her again.

"Sara, wait." he stood up and went to her, placing his hands on her shoulders. Sara thought of all the times she had wished for something like that to happen, and it was nearly funny how now it was there, she longed for something completely different.

"I just want you to know that I'm happy for you." He said, and glanced at her waist, then at her again. "All the three of you."

Sara folded her arms across her chest, nodding her head sympathetically.

"But you can't be happy _with_ us." She observed.

"No, I can't." he agreed flatly. "I would lie if I said I'm glad you found what I've never been able to give you in another man," he continued. "But I can only blame myself for having lost you."

Sara smiled friendly.

"You haven't lost me, Grissom." She said warmly, but a bitter shade darkened her face. "It's just that he found me." And with a sad look she turned her back to him and left, only Nick in her mind.

* * *

TBC... 


	9. So Real

Sara awoke with Nick's screams in her mind, his pained face slowly replaced by the blurred sight of the hospital room.

The wedding nightmare had been haunting her for the past three days, ever since the accident, and she couldn't get rid of those flashes of herself running across the aisle towards his motionless body lying in that pool of blood.

She took a hand to her head, sitting up from her sleeping position, and Nick's sight crushed her. He was pale, his cheeks hollowed, and no matter how the doctors had tried to reassure her, she still thought he didn't look like someone who would be fine.

She bent over him and brushed his hair, finding him cold like he'd never been. She had always loved his warmth, and not is was suddenly missing, she felt like she had another man in front of her, like the hand she was holding belonged to some stranger she didn't know.

She wanted him back, she wanted her Nicky open his eyes a smile, and make everything alright again. She had been waiting, but that hadn't happened.

A quick knock on the open door jolted her. She promptly put back on a straight face, resuming a listless attitude she hoped would seem convincing.

Standing on the doorway with a coffee in his hand, Warrick shot her a disapproving glare.

"I thought you were having some rest." He said, a brow raised as he walked in.

"I was." Sara yawned gracefully. "I just woke up."

"At home." He specified sternly, sitting down on the bed, glancing at Nick sadly, then turned to her, handing her out the coffee. Sara gave him an unsure look.

"It's caffeine-free." He winked. "Two teaspoons of cane sugar, a sprinkle of milk. No animal was harmed during the preparation."

Sara giggled and took the coffee. She had worn not even the ghost of a smile for the past three days.

"Thanks."

"Did you see Nick's parents?" Warrick asked, glancing at his friend again. Sara was puzzled, the hand holding the coffee halfway toward her mouth.

"Nick's parents?"

Warrick nodded.

"I met them in the corridor." He said. "They said they'd just been here."

Sara let herself fall back in the chair, exhaling in frustration. Nick's parents had been there right while she was asleep on their son, and god only knew what they had thought.

She had always been slightly anxious about them, because she didn't have much experience with families. Besides she couldn't seem to meet them in any happy – or at least ordinary – occasion. The last – and first – time she had met them had been about two years ago, because of Nick's abduction, and now this.

She wondered why, just when she had started thinking that maybe her life could be really good, everything had turned over so drastically.

"Guess I missed them" she mumbled, and took a sip, not so sorry they hadn't wanted to disturb her.

She checked her watch and her heart seemed to freeze. Twenty past ten.

Her fingers held the cup more tightly as her brain registered the information, reminding her of a small detail.

She stood up and looked around for her suit jacket, followed by Warrick's dazed eyes.

"What's up?" he asked, his eyebrows arched questioningly.

Sara put on her jacket, still searching for her purse, not giving him a bit of attention.

"Damn, I'm going to be late."

He stood on his feet and walked to the door, behind which Sara's purse was hanging from a hook. He grabbed it and waved it in her direction.

"Looking for this?"

"Thanks!"

"Late for what?" he inquired. Sara stopped dead in her tracks.

She turned to him, a tiny smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.

"I have an appointment." She said faintly.

"An appointment?"

Sara let her smile spread a little and nodded.

"Yeah," She looked down as her hand went to rest over her unnoticeably swollen stomach. "You know…"

A light of awareness flashed over her friend, who bent his head and nodded.

"The funny thing" Sara continued, in a quiet but melancholic tone, her heart slowly breaking. "Is that I'd figured he'd be with me in this." She puckered her lips, trying to repress a nervous laugh, her look lingering upon Nick. "It's not as I thought it would be."

"Would you like me to go with you?" he offered tentatively. "I'm not Nicky, but it'd still be better than being alone."

Sara wrapped her arms around herself, shrugging slightly.

"Would you really do this?"

"Sure sweetie." He said, as though she'd just asked him if the sky was blue, and gently patted her arm. "What are friends for, otherwise?"

On the way to the OBGYN department, Sara was silent. She had fixed an appointment in this very hospital to stay away from Nick the less time possible, but she felt like every corridor was longer than the previous, and the elevator seemed to take ages to descend three floors.

She was jittery and even a little scared, but somehow Warrick's hand on her back made her feel better. It was a consolation, however little, that she wasn't completely on her own.

Her hand hesitated tremblingly when about to lay on the handle of the door of Dr Green's office. All her wish to make sure everything was fine vanished, replaced by an overwhelming indecision.

Because it might have been _not_ fine, and she wouldn't be able to endure another stroke like that, not now, not without Nick.

"I can't do this." she muttered, withdrawing her hand

Warrick's hand rubbed the small of her back.

"Yes, you can." He said encouragingly. "Go ahead, Sara, you're not alone."

The shadow of a smile crossed Sara's face as a little sparkle of warmth lit inside her. She grabbed the handle, this time more firmly, and pushed the door open.

-------

After one hundred questions about her health and eating and living habits, Sara had been asked to lie down on the ultrasound couch, where she was currently waiting for further instructions. The situation was rather awkward, especially after the woman had mistaken Warrick for her boyfriend. Sara had attempted a causal smile when she'd explained he was just a friend. Something still burned on the open wounds she bore on her heart.

"Now I need you to pull up your shirt, Sara." Dr Carla Green told her, a tube of gel in her hand.

"I'll wait outside." Warrick said, but Sara wouldn't let go of his hand.

"No," She nearly begged him. "I don't mind… Greg saw me naked, I think you're allowed to see my tummy."

She had never been comfortable with other people seeing her body – even though she had always been praised for her slender curves – but now she was more concerned about feeling someone by her side, ready to share with her – and, in case, ease – whatever was going to come.

Warrick smiled down at her, nodding his head reassuringly.

"Okay." He said. He took the chair next to the couch and sat down, Sara's fingers anxiously clutched around his hand. She hoped she wasn't hurting him.

"This is going to feel a bit cold." The doctor warned her, as Sara held her shirt up to let her apply the bluish gel all over her abdomen.

She whimpered when the announced coldness of the water-based substance came into contact with her skin. She watched the woman turn the ultrasound machine on and pick a probe from it.

The doctor delicately started running the probe all over her belly, and a very fuzzy image started emerging from the grey screen. Sara's breath died in her throat as she spotted a small figure in a corner. Blurred as it was, it definitely looked like a very little baby.

"You're carrying quite small." Dr Green observed. "It looks about thirteen weeks along, at least."

Thirteen weeks. Sara could remember very vividly the night when it must have happened. She and Nick had had a sort of picnic in the living room, among the soft light of the candles and romantic country notes. Although she had never liked that kind of arrangements, she had found herself so happy and delighted that she'd let the champagne take over her, so everything had quickly moved to the bedroom, where they had awoken the morning after, satisfied but conscious of the small detail they had forgotten about.

Sara could see the result of that occasional inobservance right before her eyes, concrete and alive. The scary thing was that it was all happening within her.

The mere thought of being directly responsible of someone else's life was dreadful. She could barely look after herself, sometimes, and a child was a pretty binding thing to start with.

She looked up at Warrick and swallowed. His eyes barely moved from the monitor to look back at her sympathetically. There was a touched expression on his face, something Sara had never seen before, but she discovered she liked it.

"He's gonna be so proud." He said, lightly tilting his head. "Jeez, I'm proud, too!"

Completely hypnotized by the faint, pulsing sound of the baby's heartbeat, Sara started realising that everything would be different, now, and she was terribly unprepared to cope with a pregnancy.

"This little one is in perfect health," the woman went on, still examining Sara's light but visible bump. "Would you like to know the gender?"

"No." Sara replied at once, accepting the tissue the other woman was offering her to wipe the gel off her stomach. "Not yet."

The one thing she was absolutely sure of was that she wanted Nick to be there when she would find out if they were having a boy or a girl.

She could just picture him beaming at the sight of that little miracle they had created together and shed a couple of moved tears when she remembered his current state.

"After the exams, I'll be able to tell you when you are due and prescribe you more specific pills." Dr Green told her, bringing her two small orange jars. "For now Folic Acid and Iron will be fine. Make sure you take them with vitamin C, it helps your body metabolize them."

Sara cast a glance at the still picture of her baby – how weird it sounded – and told herself she had to do her best to take care of it. It was what Nick would have wanted. So, though reluctantly, she took the two jars and sighed, gazing at them unenthusiastically.

She was carrying a burden she could barely stand, both physically and emotionally. It would take more than a couple of pills to make her feel good.

* * *

TBC... 


	10. Past Tense

_One Iron pill half an hour before lunch, plus vitamin C. Rich, healthy meal: pasta, soy burger, green salad, an apple, decaffeinated espresso. Two Folic Acid pills an hour after lunch, better if taken with vitamin C as well. A lot of water, with some lemon in case of sickness. _

Standing by the window in the hospital room, Sara read through the eating plan she had just written down and frowned. There were definitely going to be problems in following that at work. Figures, there would be even if she would stop working.

At least, she reasoned, the baby was fine. According to the doctor, she could keep working until she would be able to, unless anything unforeseen would occur. Sara thought it was a good thing, because she couldn't really see herself spending the next five months in bed.

"Fifty bucks that you'll cuff me there as soon as you find out about this." She told Nick, who was still asleep and motionless, as she trailed a hand across her abdomen. She sighed to herself. "I swear I really have no idea of how to tell you… Maybe I should just let my belly grow until you find out yourself, uh?"

She couldn't stifle a smile. Truth was that she was actually a little excited about _their little secret_, as she liked to call it. She had never been very motherly, in her own opinion, but Nick had a natural skill with kids, and she had often found herself fantasising about him holding a baby in his arms, the biggest grin ever on his lips. He was born to be a father, and she was secretly proud to be the one who would give him this joy. If only it didn't scare her so much.

"Sara."

Her heart sunk as she heard his voice. Weak and throaty, but definitely his voice. Her look dropped on him at once, to find him fluttering his eyes open.

"Nicky!" she flung herself toward him and quickly pressed the emergency button, then cupped his face with one hand, placing the other on his. To be completely honest, he did not look good, not even far from it, but he was finally awake, and Sara was wise enough to recognise it was something she had to be glad for.

Nick blinked several times before slowly turning to her, looking utterly confused.

"Where are we?" he asked feebly.

"At the hospital, honey." Sara explained, beaming in relief as her fingers brushed his hair back. "Don't worry, it's alright. Everything's alright." She was telling it more to herself than to him, though.

He gave her a small smile, making her heart warm up instantly. She hadn't realised before how much she had missed that smile.

Before he could say anything else, doctor Thompson and a nurse rushed into the room, and questions started raining down.

"Mr Stokes, do you know where you are?"

Nick glanced at Sara before answering.

"Hospital."

"Do you know why?"

"I remember the ambulance," he said, blinking in the effort of recollecting the events. Sara squeezed his hand. "And a loud noise, before…"

Doctor Thompson scribbled something on a paper, his forehead furrowed.

"Anything else?"

Sara watched Nick stare in concentration at the ceiling and shake his head no.

"Never mind," the doctor said with a reassuring smile addressed to Sara, whose face was showing pretty high levels of concern. "It is normal to have little lacunas after psychophysical traumas. Everything will clear out, eventually."

Sara nodded, though not completely convinced. While the doctor kept writing, she set her free hand atop of Nick's head and smiled inwardly. He was okay, that was all that counted.

"How are you feeling?"

Nick breathed hard through the pipe in his nose, attempting a nonchalant grin.

"I've been better." He quipped weakly, eliciting a little laugh from Sara. "But no more mysterious insides cases for me."

Sara's face went white. Her heart jumped drumming in her throat as a ominous shiver crossed her spine.

"Nick," She nibbled at her trembling lower lip. "What year are we in?"

The doctor and the nurse approached, eyeing his hesitancy significantly. Nick's look lingered on each of them quizzically.

"Answer her question, Mr Stokes." Said Thompson gently.

"Two thousand and five."

Sara spun her head alarmingly to the doctor, who scowled visibly. She felt her blood pressure increase dangerously as he muttered something to the young nurse, who hurried out of the room, carrying Nick's folder with her.

"Ms Sidle, would you please wait outside while I visit Mr Stokes?"

"Whatever you have to say or do, you can do it in front of me," she said impassionately. "I'm his-"

The words died in her mouth as she felt like losing the ground under her feet. If Nick's brain was two years behind, she was nothing more than a dear friend to him, maybe not even that.

She felt her head spin furiously. This wasn't happening. It couldn't be happening. Not now.

"Oh, god."

"Ms Sidle," doctor Thompson offered her his hand to help her standing on her feet. "I promise to update you as soon as I'm done. Till then I have to beg you to wait outside. Nurse Samuels will take care of you."

Sara had to strive to force herself to leave Nick. She brushed her lips on his cheek and promised him she would be back soon, then left in silence, her heart heavy and sore.

When the door closed behind her back, she pressed a hand on her mouth and screwed her eyes shut, trying – in vain – to keep herself from sobbing.

She had done her best to just be glad Nick was alive and none of his physical damages would be permanent, but she wasn't sure she could deal with an amnesia, especially if that meant he wouldn't be able to remember of what he and her had built together.

But what hurt most was that she couldn't even tell him of their baby.

A hand lay warily on her shoulder, startling her.

"Miss Sidle…" The young nurse, whose badge read Irene, was scrutinising her worriedly, holding a glass of water in her hand. "Doctor Thompson asked me to stay with you while he's with your fiancé."

Sara hastily wiped a couple of tears from her eyes and faked a smile. The girl didn't seem to be older than twenty, with big shiny amber eyes and long blond hair. She had a cute anxious expression Sara couldn't help appreciating.

"I'm… Fine, I think." She mumbled, as the nurse led her sitting down on a chair. "Hormones rule my body, by now."

She let out a low, shaky laugh, receiving a sympathetic look from Irene.

"Don't worry, Thompson is an excellent neurosurgeon," said the girl encouragingly. "He'll be able to help Mr Stokes."

Sara nodded her head, hoping with all herself that she was right. A short pause followed, during which Sara tried to imagine how things would be if Nick wouldn't recover his memory.

Raising a child on her own was not an option. Her maternity skills barely included singing a lullaby, and she didn't even want to think about dealing with wails and untranslatable requests all night through, not to mention the amount of stress she would reach between her job and maternity.

Besides, she couldn't see any of that without Nick.

He was the one with parently instinct, he was the one who was good with kids. She was the failure that only his presence could make worth something.

On the other hand, Sara would never give up his child.

She loved that baby for the mere fact that it was a part f him, and whether Nick would remember or not how it had been conceived, she wanted him to meet his son or daughter. She knew he would want to.

"Have you decided a name for the baby yet?" Irene asked. Sara cast her a lopsided glance, and she turned red. "Sorry, none of my business."

"No, it's okay." Sara grinned indulgently. "It's just that…"

"He doesn't know."

"Yeah."

Irene hummed thoughtfully.

"Isabel." She sad brightly after a moment. "If it's a girl. Izzy Stokes. Oh, maybe it sounds too Grey's Anatomy…"

Sara giggled, mentally thanking the girl for distracting her and making her feel a little better.

"Isabel Izzy Stokes…" Sara mused. "It doesn't sound bad."

"Really?" exclaimed Irene excited. "It's the first name that popped into my mind when I saw you and Mr Stokes together. I'm sure yours will be a gorgeous baby… Looking at the two of you…" Sara laughed gingerly, and Irene blushed again. "Sorry, I'm being inappropriate."

"Don't worry," Sara told her, a sweet hint to her tone. "I actually think it will be a good-looking baby, too."

If it would take after Nick, it would obviously be very beautiful.

As Irene went on rambling about babies and names, Sara smiled at the small bump in her tummy, sighing sadly.

Izzy. Izzy Stokes.

She was sure Nick would love it.

* * *

TBC... 


	11. Touch Of Remembrance

Nick had strong difficulties in understanding Sara's concern. He felt like he had a couple of broken bones here and there, and his ribs ached so much that breathing wasn't exactly easy, but apart from that he didn't feel so bad. He would have thought he was ready to be discharged, if only doctor Thomson, as he had introduced himself one moment ago, hadn't had such a well-disguised anxious expression painted on his face.

He swallowed, remembering Sara's touch. He might have been not very in shape, but he had noticed something different in the way she had caressed his hair, in the way her lips had skimmed his skin. He couldn't quite spot what, precisely, he had found different, because it was just a vague impression, and yet there had definitely been something new in her.

"Mr Stokes?"

Nick winced, brought back to reality by the doctor's voice.

"I'm sorry. I was…" _Thinking of how weird everything seems to have become._

"I would like you to tell me," Thompson asked, showing a light wave of impatience. "If you have any kind of pain in your head, or feel weak or tired, or… Confused."

"I feel great, thanks." He smiled broadly. "Maybe I'd feel better without a completely plastered arm and whatever I have in my left leg, but I can live with that." He tried to laugh, but soon ended up grimacing in pain.

Doctor Thompson paced the room wistfully, an arm bent behind his back and a wrist pressed to his mouth. Nick was starting to think for the worse. What had he missed?

"We are in year 2007," Thompson said solemnly. For a moment Nick thought he was kidding, but his expression was too grave and serious. He looked for a calendar around the room, and his heart skipped a beat when he found it. Absurd as it was, it couldn't be just a bad joke.

"You reported a concussion after a car crash." The doctor explained calmly, pulling his glasses off. "The trauma caused you a partial amnesia." Nick swallowed hard, but didn't say anything. "In simple words, shock due to the accident brought you back in time to another big trauma in your life, automatically cutting out the last two years."

As a breath-taking fear rose within his heart, Nick felt invincible tears collect in his eyelids. He had a blackout in his mind, two years of his life were missing, and he felt like he was walking in somebody else's shoes. It was driving him crazy to not know what had been of him in the last couple of years. What had he forgotten, exactly? Had something important happened? Were all his friends fine? There had been nobody but Sara with him, moments ago. It could mean nothing, obviously, but he still felt worried. At least Sara was fine, though.

"Was I alone in that car crash?" he inquired, sincerely hoping the answer would be yes, but Thompson shook his head no.

"Warrick Brown was with you, but he came out almost unharmed."

Nick exhaled in relief.

"What about…" He swallowed again and sighed, nearly afraid to ask. "What about my memory?"

The doctor cleared his throat.

"What you don't remember was not erased. It is currently _stocked_, we might say, in a dark corner of your brain." He smiled lightly. "It will come back, eventually."

Nick pressed his lips together, feeling a lonely tear leak down his face.

"Okay."

"You have to be patient, though." The other man continued. "Do not expect to go home and find an answer for every thing you may find out of place. Your family and friends will help you, but I have to beg you not to force the natural process of recovering the forgotten events, because it might cause you a dangerous shock. As far as possible, you'll have to live your life like you normally would, and let everything come back little by little."

Nick nodded powerlessly and took his hands to his face. Under his fingers he felt a long trail of stitches all along the left side of it.

"There will be a scar there." Thompson said, handing him a small mirror he had grabbed from the bed stand. "But given the circumstances, I can tell you it's a lucky scar."

Nick stared at himself in the reflection. He had cuts and bruises all over his face and neck – and God knew what else he bore on the rest of his body – but there were a couple of marks that never on earth he would mistake.

"Where's my girlfriend?"

Thompson's eyes widened visibly. So that was it? He actually had a girlfriend?

"Do you remember having one?"

"I have a couple of hickeys here." Nick stated, not without a hint of embarrass. "And I'm not the one night stand type."

"Unluckily, Mr Stokes, I can't help you." Said the man consternated, going to the door. "For the sake of your health, I renew my invitation to let your memory come back spontaneously." And then he left, leaving Nick in a scary ocean of darkness.

Minutes later, however, the door opened again, and Sara's head peered timidly into the room.

"Can I disturb you?" She lingered on the doorway, waiting for his approval.

"I _demand_ to be disturbed." He said tenderly.

Sara's face was lit up by one of the biggest smiles he had seen from her, and she walked in, seemingly much more confidently. Nick found himself very glad she was there.

Now that he paid attention to it, she actually looked different, and it wasn't just about her longer hair and her curvier frame. She looked happy, as if something very beautiful had just happened to her. There was more colour on her cheeks, and she appeared some way more womanly to his eyes. Even with that concerned expression, she emanated some sort of powerful, contagious serenity.

Under his inspective look, she went sitting by him on the bed.

"How are you feeling?" Her hand made a to move, as though she intended to lay it upon his, but then she drew it back, preferring to let it rest on the mattress.

"Like someone who's walking on only one leg." He said with honesty. "I dunno, I have the sensation there's something massive I'm missing, like when you are at the mall and you realise you forgot to lock the door." He gave her a poignant gaze. "I wish I could remember who I've left behind that door…"

Sara licked her lips. He was dying to ask her all he needed to know, but he knew it would be unwise of him, so he just kept that need at bay and watched her shift uneasily on her spot.

"I have a girlfriend." He said on impulse. He didn't know whether Sara knew her or not, but he had nothing to lose.

Sara's astounded reaction told him that she either knew nothing or she knew but couldn't tell him.

"I have no clue of who she is." He added with a weak sniffle. "But I know I have one, I just feel it."

Sara's eyes became moist and glossy as she puckered her lips into one of her badly repressed smiles. She looked like she was barely keeping herself together.

_My little, sensitive Sara… _

Without thinking, he laid his hand on her, causing her to wince slightly.

"If you know who she is," he told her. "Or if she comes asking about me at the lab… Please, tell her not to worry. I'm going to be fine."

-------

Sara was sitting in the dim light of Nick's kitchen – or better, _their_ kitchen – with her head between her hands as she stared down at the full plate lying in front of her on the table. A untouched bowl of chopped pineapple was beside it, along with a glass of orange juice. Two pill jars stood next to an orange juice carton, and a random movie droned undisturbed on the tv on the other side of the room.

Seeing Nick awake had been a joy for her, she had been deeply relieved to see him so physically well, but it would be a lie to say that she didn't care about his amnesia.

Truth was that she was overstressed by that situation, struck between an unusual sense of peacefulness and her worriment for Nick.

In spite of her total lack of hunger, Sara heard her stomach growl.

"Okay, okay, be quiet in here," she spoke to her tummy, cradling it gently with a hand. She grabbed the fork and stabbed a potato. "I know you're hungry, I haven't forgotten of you."

She chewed a few bites, surrounded by Nick's unbearable absence. She felt a wave of nausea hit her, so she took a couple of deep breaths – as doctor Green had taught her – and it worn off. When half of the plate was empty, though, she dropped the fork and put everything into the fridge. Her stomach was like locked.

She cast a look around the room and realised how much of her was in that house. She was going to have a hard – and very painful – time in pretending she wasn't that girlfriend he had told her about.

On Doctor Thompson's suggestion, Greg had offered to lodge Nick at his place, so that he would never be alone, but they couldn't keep him away from his own house forever, he would soon ask to be left alone, that was understandable. Sara just hoped he would remember everything before that would happen, because in first place she felt miserable at the only thought she might have to take all her things away from the apartment, and, secondly, she didn't have any other place to go.

She sighed and backed to the fridge. Her hands spontaneously went up to cover the small curve of her belly.

"We just have to be strong, everything will be alright." she whispered to the baby, trying her best to believe her own words. "Daddy will be back with us very soon."

* * *

TBC... 


	12. Nobody's Child

Sara took a sip from her milkshake, watching from behind the glass of the break-room as Nick walked through the hallway with his kit in his hands. He was stopped by Hodges, who started talking to him, supposedly about his findings about the case Nick was working.

Nick listened carefully and nodded a couple of times interestedly. It was like he'd never left the lab, everything was exactly as it should have been. Almost everything.

As the conversation went by, she saw him move his attention from Hodges's papers and his look crossed hers for a moment. He gave her a brief smile, then returned to his other occupation.

Sara smiled sadly. He'd been back at work for a few weeks, and he acted naturally, as if nothing had happened. Every piece of the puzzle had been resettled in its original place, except one.

Sara wondered if the picture would ever be whole again.

The month he had spent at Greg's had been useful, he'd started recovering small parts of the past two years, but still he gave no sign to remember of her as his girlfriend.

It hurt. It really hurt.

Sara had been taking care of the house, officially as a favour to Nick. It was her house as well now, but everything – according to Warrick – seemed to have changed subtly since when she'd moved there. '_I dunno, it's still the same, but it just oozes Saraness_" he'd said the first time he'd brought her lunch, and even if Sara couldn't actually see the difference, she believed him. Nick himself noticed when he was accompanied there by Greg, but he'd thought it was just an impression.

"He's in shape, isn't he?"

She turned around and found Warrick behind her back, wearing a sympathetic expression. He handed her a take-away box he took out of the paper bag he was holding. Sara took it. It emanated a heavenly fragrance.

"_Spaghetti al ragù di soia e verdure_," he explained warmly. "Directly from Antonio's."

Sara sniffed the sublime smell coming from the food and beamed.

"I think I love you."

"What wouldn't a pregnant woman do for food." He rolled his eyes and laughed. Sara followed suit, but so weakly that she realised it could be barely considered a laugh. According to the look he sent her, Warrick seemed to think the same thing.

"Thanks, by the way." Said Sara, rising her lunch. "You're so spoiling me…"

Warrick waved his hand dismissively with a shake of the head.

"I gotta get you used for when our dear Nicholas will regain that small portion of memory he still misses." He blinked, but the knot in her throat didn't relent. "Which I hope will happen soon, because you veggie stuff is quite expensive, you know."

Sara nodded and touched his shoulder thankfully, then walked out of the room. As soon as the door closed behind her, she bumped into someone and nearly dropped the box she was holding.

"Gosh, I'm so-" Whatever she had intended to say vanished into sheer emptiness as Sara realised whose the arms that had prevented from falling were. "Nick."

The corridor started spinning all around her and she felt his arms gripping her more firmly. It was such a beautiful feeling to be again in his arms that she nearly forgot of all the rest.

"It's okay, I got you." He reassured her, helping her to keep standing. There was an odd uneasy shade to his tone. "Are you okay?"

Sara regarded him closely, her heart hammering so fast that she was afraid he could feel it. how much had he heard of her conversation with Warrick?

"And you?"

Nick's eyes wandered elsewhere and his fingers loosened on Sara, and she felt he had just let her fall. She propped herself to the wall with one hand, still waiting for the dizziness to pass, and eyed him worriedly.

Nick returned the look with an evidently fake smile that broke her heart. She froze when his eyes roamed southward to her stomach.

That was it, she had no chance to deny, now.

"I was wondering what was different in you, you know…" he mused, his smile enlarging bitterly. "I have to admit I would have never guessed."

Sara opened her mouth, seeking for something to say, but everything she could think of was how hard it was to have to say nothing.

"How far along are you?" he asked with genuine candidness.

"Eighteen weeks." Sara knew she must have looked happier than she actually was. "Not a whale yet, but sizable if you see me naked."

She saw him darken imperceptibly, but he did not blush. They had always shared playful quips, but by the way he reacted it looked more like she'd slapped him.

"Have I ever known who's the lucky man?"

A lump swelled in Sara's throat. She forced herself to keep it down, then tried to shrug and make her expression look nonchalant.

"Let's say he's not… _Available_ at the moment." Her heart broke as the words were spoken. Nick's face was crossed by a flash of pure rage.

"Damn bastard." He commented dryly. Despite the crack that opened in her heart, Sara felt a smile tug at the corners of her mouth. He might not remember what was between them, but his instinct was still to protect her and defend her.

"He's a good man, Nick." She conveyed softly. "It was not his choice, you see…"

"What kind of good man leaves his pregnant girlfriend, exactly?"

"It's complicated." She sighed. Nick was going to say something, when Catherine – apparently popped out of nowhere – and claimed to need Sara for a case.

"Grissom said you and Rick just closed a tough case," she said when Sara asked her what she was needed for. "I though you'd appreciate some paperwork, maybe?"

The two women exchanged a long meaningful look, much to Nick's dismay.

"If you want me to check those old reports, the answer in no, again." Sara stated firmly, arms folded as she put on her stubborn pout. "Besides my doc told me that sedentary jobs fuel pregnancy stress, so I'm not sitting down in a dim room for the rest of the shift."

Catherine jaw fell open as her mouth stammered in shock. She glanced at Nick and then back at Sara, who rolled her eyes impatiently.

"He knows." She reassured her friend. "It's amazing how many things people find out by overhearing causal conversations."

The hint of reproach she had used went unnoticed- whether intentionally or not she couldn't tell – but she didn't bother to insist.

"Do you know him?" Nick asked Catherine, getting an quizzical look from her. "The guy who did this to Sara."

"Nick, please…" Sara quickly tried to cut him off. "Let's not waste any time with this, I'm tired and vaguely sick, so let's just go back to our respective duties."

Nick hesitated, but eventually gave up. Sara could see how reluctant he was to let her go.

"Cath will be breathing on my neck throughout the shift," Sara reassured him with a wink. "I'll be fine."

"Meet you in the A/V lab." Catherine said and excused herself, leaving them alone again.

Nick approached Sara with a very concerned expression, and took one of her hand in his.

"I don't know what I have forgotten," he said seriously, licking his lips. "But I'm here, whenever you need me, whatever you need." He gave her a tiny smile. "I know you know, but I'm reminding you, just in case…"

Nick's skin was warm and soft around her hand. He was holding her tenderly, but tightly enough to make her feel it wasn't a conventional gesture.

Sara was glad, even without his memories, he still remembered how close they were. She reached out and wrapped her arms around his neck, brushing a brief, chaste kiss against his cheek.

"Thank you, Nicky."

What she was thanking him for, Sara didn't precisely know herself. Maybe it was for his concern, maybe for his mere presence, maybe because she just felt she had to. Even if he didn't know, there was so much he deserved to be thanked for, so much he had given her. Sara treasured every kiss, every embrace, every minute they had spent together.

Perhaps, she thought, she was simply thanking him for not having died.

"Hey, I have an idea." Nick said suddenly, pulling away, but still keeping his hands on her arms. "We haven't spent much time together lately… Let's go out for dinner and then I'll take you somewhere I'm sure you'll like. You need to relax for the sake of you both."

Sara – as she had recently started doing – spontaneously took her hand to her swollen abdomen. Was it a good idea?

She was craving to spend some time with him, she really would love to finally get to stay alone with him, but she couldn't predict how it would turn out.

After a long pause, however, her need won over commonsense.

"You're buying." She said at last, and Nick's face relaxed into a grin.

"As always." He replied at once, but his expression immediately became confused, and the question mark painted across his face spoke volumes.

As always _when_?

He had paid for their dinners ever since their first date, but it was a part of those two years he was missing. Sara secretly felt overjoyed that that small particular had so unexpectedly surfaced. It meant a lot, to her. It gave her hope.

"See you in the locker room at the end of the shift?" she said brightly, trying to distract him from his own bewilderment.

Nick blinked a couple of times and barely shook his head to awaken from his trance. He smiled.

"Sounds fine to me." He buried his hands in his pockets. "See you later."

She watched him walk away with a weird gripping sensation to her heart. She wasn't sure she had made a wise choice, but it was late for second thoughts.

Nevertheless, she was curious to find out where he would take her, and how it would go, eager to be the centre of his world again. Even if just for one night.

* * *

TBC... 


End file.
